I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
