Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
