News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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