this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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