I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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