Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
