Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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