I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's the barista slut.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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