i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
