I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
