It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
