A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
