Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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