oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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