Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
