So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
