Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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