last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
