high people should be assigned attendants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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