I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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