i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
