Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
