Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
