what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
