That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Houston, we have a squirter
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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