I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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