Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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