Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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