Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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