Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
