wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
