yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
