I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
