I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
