Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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