Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
