please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
