I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
