so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
