Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry about my life...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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