I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i will never coherently bang her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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