The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
