He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
