I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
