your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
