just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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