I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
