Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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