yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
