So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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