mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
